Cringey for Christ

I came to the realization a little while ago that I have gone from knowing the Lord and trying to do right by Him to now being in a daily walk and fellowship with Him. I know that without a doubt I am forever changed because of my relationship with Christ.

Previously, I did not want to sin because I wanted to do right by God, and I wanted to please Him. Now, I do not want to sin because every time I sin it is a direct reminder that my sin is what placed Jesus on the cross. It breaks my heart to think about that. 

Previously, I had heard a bunch of different theories and versions of what hell might be like. Each version seemed like it was trying to scare me more than the last one. The truth is no one knows what hell is like. Now, I understand that at its core hell is separation from God permanently. That is all the reason I need to not want to experience it. Separation from God is the worst thing that I can imagine. 

Previously, I wanted people to know that I was a Christian, but I did not want to come across too “Christian-y”. I did not want to be perceived as obsessed or cheesy. Now, I do not care what people think. Well, maybe I still do care, but I do not let it hold the same weight that it used to. Maybe I am cheesy. Maybe I am cringey. And maybe, I reach one soul for Christ. That seems worth it to me. To be completely honest, I am fine with making Christ my entire personality. In fact, I want to. 

Previously, I wanted God to quiet all the noises of the outside world. Now, I realize it is not about quieting the outside world. Instead, it is about making God’s voice the loudest. The world is always going to be there on this side of heaven. They will always be whispering in your ear; you just have to make God’s voice the loudest voice. 

Previously, I tried seeking rest from all the hardships, trials, & sadness that life continues to throw at me. I was desperately trying to seek rest on my own. Now, I seek rest in Christ. I want to be in prayer, worshiping, and in scripture when life inevitably is difficult. There is no rest without resting in Christ. I will never experience true rest without Him. 

Previously, I wanted God to love me and answer my prayers. But I did not want to change my life or put in any of the work. Now, I want to put in as much work as God calls me to. My life is immensely better now. This makes me think of my role as a mom. There are so many days that I am so exhausted from all the work that I had to put in that day, but I would not change it for the world. My girls make my life a thousand times better. Putting in the work and putting God first produces fruit and life that is so much sweeter and richer. 

Real quick, I just want to speak to the Christian out there who knows God but is not quite fully walking with Him. That was me. I just encourage you, put in the work. Even when you do not want to. Even when you do not feel like you are going anywhere. Even if you have doubts. Put in the work. Seek God; seek His wisdom. It is so hard to love something with all of your heart if you first do not know and understand it. Unfortunately, that is just the way it is, this is human nature. But there is hope to be found! Take this time and season of your life to learn Christ. Seek Him and His wisdom. There will be times that it will feel discouraging and defeating, but your time is coming. Just keep seeking Him!

Lord, thank you for allowing me to have an intimate relationship with you.